Validating Pain: A Reflection on Personal and Professional Life

As I come to terms with the reality that my mum is in hospice, and that the end of her life is nearer now than I want to admit, I find myself grappling with a storm of emotions. Through my tears, pain, and emotional turmoil, I’ve had moments to reflect on how we deal with pain—both our own and that of others—in the face of life’s challenges.

In my role as a virtual assistant, understanding my clients' pain points is essential. It’s the cornerstone of how I provide value. By identifying their struggles, I validate their challenges and offer solutions to help them navigate those difficulties. This act of validation is a form of acknowledgment: "I see your struggles, and I am here to help."

But why is it that in our personal lives, we often fail to extend the same validation? Instead, we default to phrases like, “There’s always someone worse off,” whether we’re saying it to others or to ourselves. I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of this too. Even today, I’ve caught myself diminishing my own pain with those very words.

Well, I’m going to call it what it is: bullshit.

When we say, “There’s always someone worse off,” what we’re really doing is invalidating someone else’s emotions—or our own. We’re telling ourselves (or others) that our pain isn’t worthy of attention or acknowledgment because someone, somewhere, might have it harder. And in doing so, we’re failing to honour the very real and human experience of suffering.

This week, as I’ve wrestled with my grief, I’ve come to understand that in order to process the emotions I’m experiencing, I must validate them. I need to give myself permission to feel—to cry, to ache, to be vulnerable. Denying those feelings doesn’t make them disappear; it only compounds the hurt, leaving it to manifest in other ways, such as illness, depression, or burnout.

As business owners, we’re often adept at validating others. We listen to our clients, acknowledge their pain points, and work to alleviate them. It’s a skill we’ve honed to build trust and connection. So why is it so difficult to extend that same courtesy to ourselves or our loved ones?

People need to be seen and heard. When we respond to someone’s pain with, “Others have it worse,” we’re effectively saying, “Your feelings don’t matter right now.” But they do matter. In that moment, that person’s pain is their reality, and it deserves acknowledgement. It’s only through validation that we can begin to heal.

So as I write this, I’m giving myself permission to feel my pain and to embrace my emotions. And I’m extending that permission to you, too. Whatever you’re facing, you are allowed to feel it. You don’t need to compare your pain to anyone else’s. Your experience is valid, and your feelings are real.

Let’s move away from invalidating ourselves and each other. Instead, let’s practice seeing, hearing, and honouring the emotions we all carry. Because in doing so, we create space for healing, growth, and connection.